Sunday, 25 November 2012

Sea Point in the Mist with Beach Water

Before viewing this post, click HERE.

No one will ever come close to understanding half of this, and will prefer drugs and dancing to magic and bubbles for the rest of their dismal lives.

On Saturday night/Sunday morning, Nina, Clem, Fabi and Ané went to Leonard and Marius' house, because they were having a party and *something about the best thing that will ever happen to you*.
We discovered that everything (this night/performance piece, which happens to be the Bible, since all the people involved are actually Biblical characters) is a lie.

So Leonard got some ladies.

Claire Boucher found out about our rad party and popped in to say hello (because she's totally vibing Leonard)
This post was supposed to start with a mind altering thread of BBM/text messages, but, due to technical difficulties, messages cannot be displayed.

Eugenie’s flatmate kicked her out because she smokes so much, but also because she's just a kak vibe. Basically the opposite of Daniel who is a good vibe and doesn’t smoke. All about matching couples like Satan and Fabi (Jesus) and The Kooples. (Eugenie is obviously actually the best).

This is what's happening TONIGHT. There will be lots of fashion and film vibes if you're into that kinda thing, but you're obviously all just coming because Clem is the best DJ vibe in the world ever. AH YEAH.
The "best" playlist:

Leonard: Actually I'm gonna find 3 cards that are not your card and I'm gonna show them to you to. That's what's gonna happen now.

Marius finds that hilarious.

Leonard: Ok here we go, is this your card?

Nina: No.

Leonard: I know it's not!

Fabi: That's why this night is the best party ever!

Nina: Architecture is NOT your vibe!

Clem: That was crazy.

Nina: Leonard the Magnificent.

Clem: That was amazing.  I don't know how that happened.

Nina: Very impressed. Amaaaazing. Bubble amazing.

Marius: That is actually a very good trick.

Leonard:  It is a good trick. Good MAGIC. Hahahaha.

Fabi:  I haven't breathed ONCE since I came to this party.  And I breathed so much before!
*A baby/Fabi cries*

Leonard: Should we all go drive in the beach buggy?

Ané: All of us?

Daniel: Did you say no?

Leonard: Listen here, Ané, I don't appreciate your sarcasm. I'm just trying to be friendly.

Fabi:  Oh. Where's my lighter? The tiger one. Not the leopard, the TIGER one. Someone definitely asked for one.

Daniel: There's a pink one lying there.

Fabi:  If I lose this tiger lighter, this whole night will be ruined.  And I'm not joking.

Fabi:  I'm actually the only one who fully understands this, but Daniel thinks he is the only one.

Leonard to the BBM girls (Lee-Anne and her friend): So are you guys okay there?


Leonard: Is this an improvement?

Leonard: We've got magic and bubbles.



Clem: What are savings?

Leonard:  Marius, where are your friends?

Fabi:  I thought you meant that these are all YOUR friends, and now you're asking marius where HIS friends are.

Daniel: But you did make a good point.

Fabi: But I'm Marius' friend, not Leonard's friend.

Leonard/Marius:  Fabi, can you just relax?

Fabi:  I just invented such an amazing way of saving cigarettes. You lose your bag, then you have to find your bag to get your cigarettes (STEP 1), then you take out your cigarette, have as many conversations with your cigarette in your hand, put in your mouth, FAIL. then you have another conversation, FORGET about the cigarette.

Leonard: Wait, I'm losing track.

Nina: I don't know if you more FUCKED than I am.

Daniel:  Yeah.

Nina: But you're not fucked at all, so I don't know WHAT is happening

Fabi:  I also invented an AMAZING...

Leonard:  Invention is a big word you're ripping out here.

Nina:  It's quite ambitious.

Fabi:  A way of making money. You don't sleep.


Fabi:  That's the precursor of my story. So you go to Spar to buy 2 smoothies, because you're 2 people. So you ask for the first one. They make it. Then you ask for the second one...

Nina: And then?

Daniel:  She's lost track.

Fabi:  I haven't lost track, I just forgot the maaaaain ingredient.

Daniel: She's lost track completely.

Fabi: But I'll just tell the rest to embarrass myself because I don't care.

Leonard:  Remember the beginning was that you came up with an invention that makes money.

Fabi:  So then you order the other one...

Clem: But you did this the other day, I know this story.

Fabi:  Fuck off.

Fabi:  But it's true, you just don't know about the money part. So they start putting ingredients in the smoothie maker to make the second one, and you start being not into that second smoothie. You look at it, you start talking about how you're not feeling the second smoothie, but you're with another person (remember that).  It's not that important, just part of the vibe. Then you think about walking away and just taking the one. So then you just walk away with money for both smoothies, pay for the one. Take ALL the money for the other smoothie, and you have all these extra coins.

Nina:  Those are the WORST entrepreneur skills I have EVER heard of in my LIFE! Like, I don't even know what your vibe is, but you're never gonna make it in life. Worry about your life, Fabi! That is like the worst money making scheme ever.

Fabi:  Well I forgot the main ingredient, so it's actually more amazing than it sounds.

Nina:  Is there a missing component?

Fabi: Yes.

Eugenie:  I think you just break your 20 into many coins.

Fabi:  No, that's not what happens at all.

Nina:  Fabienne Troost writes a book: HOW TO MAKE R20 A DAY.

Fabi:  And then I'm like Richard Branson.  Then I go to Phil, and I'm like "You were wrong, I'm not like a female Matthew King, I'm like a female Richard Branson."

Nina:  Because you know how to make R20 a day, and that is a good VIBE. It's better than NO rand a day.

Fabi:  Yeah but that's lame though.

*more discussing*

Fabi:  Let's just change the topic, because you guys are clearly not on my level.

Leonard:  Obviously not.

Daniel:  You're obviously sober.

Fabi to Clem and Nina, because she called Nina boring and told Clem that she was over him:  At least you can breathe, and at least you have normal sized glands.

Nina:  At least I make more than R20 a day.

Leonard:  She just SAVES R20, she doesn't make it.

Nina:  That is so true! Because she had to BUY another smoothie!

Fabi:  I know what you guys are thinking, but the thing is, I didn't make R20, I made LESS than R20.

Eugenie:  How much did you spend?

Nina:  HOW TO MAKE LESS THAN R20 A DAY. Richard Branson vibe, definitely!

Fabi:  No but that just proves that it's not just the R20 I got for not buying the one smoothie.

Nina: It proves exactly that. That is exactly what happened.

Fabi: It's not that because I didn't make R20. I made like R8, but not R8, something LIKE R8.

Leonard:  Jissis, that's quite a story hey.

Daniel:  What did you do with the money that you made?

Fabi:  I paid for a lift from TRUTH to Ané's flat, with Misha.

*ridiculous analysis of parking vibe, the next world and brainwashing*

Lee-Anne and her friend get up to go to Chukkachurri.

Nina: Someone said to me the other day that my line when I wanna get out of conversations is "I'm gonna go find my friends". So this guy comes up to me, a friend of mine, and he's like "You're always looking for your friends, do you even have any?"


Daniel: They had my wine, those people.

Fabi: But it wasn't that much wine.

Eugenie: But relative to what we had...*laughs*

Fabi: No but now we're faced with a challenge.

Leonard: Can you please make us some money, quickly?

Fabi: I can use the magic of turning water into wine.

Daniel: Holy shit!

Fabi: No but you need Bibles. Every single person needs a Bible.

Leonard: And some candles as well?

Clem: Fabi can be Jesus.

Fabi: And then I can marry Satan.

Clem: Like the good old days.

Fabi: *something that cannot be revealed*

Nina: When magic and bubbles is not your VIBE, I don't know about your vibe. Cause I'm having the best time of my life.

Ane: I'm freezing.

Leonard: Would you like a blanket?

Ane: That would be amazing. I didn't want to say anything 'cause I thought it would be embarrassing to be cold.

Nina: It's embarrassing to be cold on the EVOL dance floor. My vibe.

Fabi: Clem is like drowning everyone in his sweat!

Clem: Everyone, everyone. Leaking.

Nina: Build an ark.

Fabi: Clem is Noah, and I'm Jesus. We're figuring out everyone's real identity tonight. THAT's what's happening.

Fabi: The beach buggy is the ark.

Nina: Definitely.

Clem: What is that?

Fabi: It's Eugenie.

Clem: No, what are you drinking?

Eugenie: Water.

Fabi: If you all had Bibles, I could turn it into wine.

Eugenie: It's not a lot of water.

Leonard: It's a lot of effort for very little wine.

Clem: I got given a Bible for my 21st birthday.

Leonard: Like from your aunt or something?

Clem: Mother.

Daniel: Did you get anything else?

Leonard: Was it a sarcastic gift?

Clem tells a very incredible story about when he was 21 and marriage, which makes Fabi realise that everything, including this party, is a lie.

*talk about people*

Clem: He posts so many photos of dogs and shit!

Daniel: There was one photo about Sea Point in the mist and I was like "Fuck, that's a cool photo. Sea Point in the mist."



Marius (to Fabi): Ash your cigarette.

Clem: I think that's the first thing you said tonight, Marius. Honestly!

Ane: I've been recording for 45 minutes.

Clem: What, she was recording?

Leonard: What, the conversation?

Clem: I know what happens to these conversations!

Daniel: What happens?

Fabi: That's also irrelevant.

Leonard: We've been recorded.

Clem: Yeah.

Leonard: I'm intimidated now.

Clem: Everyone just shut the fuck up.

Fabi: No, I'm just thinking about how much better people are who don't make a big deal out of being recorded than people who do. To be honest.

Daniel: What do you mean? Who makes a big deal out of recordings?

Leonard: Is this like a thing that people..that people *something about "sides" maybe*

Fabi: No, I'm just thinking. That's what's going on in my mind right now.

Ane: There are two kinds of people.

Fabi: Yeah, that is what it's all about. I know you've been wondering.

Marius gives Fabi melatonin and she suggests everyone goes to the beach in the beach buggy to play Frisbee with the multi-purpose melatonin container. Leonard understands how that is also a good way to make money. Fabi mentions that someone is always sleeping at the house, and that they are melatonin junkies and that the house is actually a drug den and not "a nice little house".

Leonard: Dis 'n goeie bolla (referring to Ane's fashion vibe).

Clem: Fabi, put on music.

Marius tells Fabi to play the Most Played.

Fabi: What about "best"?

Daniel: Play "best".

Leonard: What is the best?

Fabi: Three songs.

Sunny Afternoon starts playing and everyone laughs and goes on about listening to the best three songs in the world ever.

Clem: Yoh, I feel like I'm in a Castle commercial.

Leonard: Whatever, man. It was a work in progress, okay!

William, it was really nothing.

Fabi accuses Nina of lying about being tired.

Nina: What is your lying vibe, Fabi? You called me a liar like 800 times today.

Clem: Yeah, you called my story a lie as well.

Fabi: 98.6.

Clem: Yoh, 98.6.

Fabi: Yoh, that is an AMAZING concept. Imagine thinking that 9.8 is so good when there's actually someone that's 98.6

Nina: Why you so depressed about life? Why do you have such a low self esteem? You're like a 38.2. Why do you bring yourself down like that?


The next song starts to play.

Leonard: This is by far the worst playlist ever. Just change the name. I can explain this, but I'm way too tired. There is some logic behind this.

Fabi: These three songs are the best.

We obviously won't mention the fact that they were all in The Boat That Rocked. That's not part of the story.

Leonard: No, it's part of the story.

Clem: Leave out the text messages.

Fabi: Definitely not.
Ane's Sea Point in the Mist.

Monday, 19 November 2012

Things to do if you get bored during the holidays

Be glamorous. 

Chill out in the sun/wind.

Eat pomegranates/appreciate Russian Surrealism.

Eat flowers.

Acquire amazing earrings.

Vibe your tears/feel your face.

Think about your life.

Make stuff.

Warp your perception.

Drink/play games by candle light.

Be your mirror.

Daaaaaaaaaaaance (Trance)

Scratch your head.

Commemorate Remembrance Day.

Crack out.


Vibe deers.

Vibe these things.

Go to the beach.

Marry Morrissey or Mavuso.

Kiss a girl.

Take drugs.


Get married.

Watch waves at the harbour.


Feed your cats with drugs.

Vibe horizontally.

Feel sad.

Grow a garden.

Hang out with a hot, flat-chested lesbian.

Plant poppies.