Wednesday, 30 May 2012

9 (Obvious) Ways to Stay Warm This Winter

So, winter has pretty much arrived in Cape Town.  Every day that it's a bit more cold and miserable than every other day everyone freaks out and makes Facebook status updates complaining about the weather.  Guys, seriously, it's NOT THAT DIFFICULT to stay warm, especially since we live in Cape Town and it's not that cold to begin with! For fuck's sakes, we don't live in Greenland or Russia or the North Pole or wherever else it gets like, really cold and shit.

We here at The Williams have decided to compile you a manual of sorts on how to stay warm this chilly season, and ah! Gasp! It's all pretty obvious.

Take a warm bath.  Not only is taking a bath a sure way to warm you up, it's also sexy. And cool. And luxurious.  You can even stay in for 6 hours like Margot Tenenbaum.  You can smoke a cigarette, read a book, drink champagne. Whatever floats your boat.  If you're like us you could even attempt photoboothing in the bath? Don't freak out, it's just a thought.

Do you have a bed? Good! Now get into it. Don't get out. WARM.

Get a fur coat, faux if you're that way inclined.  You'll put it on.  You'll get TOO HOT. This is Cape Town, I told you so.

Get involved with someone. A lover. BODY HEAT AH YEAH.

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so why don't we migrate?  If you're really THAT cold, move to the Bahamas.  Or the South of France, and come back when the hemlines rise once more.

If your feet's warm and your head's warm, the rest of you is warm. FACT (If you can trust my mother, and your mother, and their mothers). Socks and beanies guys, socks and beanies! It's #totesfash anyways.

Is number 4 not working out that well for you?  That's OK. It happens to the best of us.  It's not the end of the world.  Sometimes it's possible (even better) to replace a lover with a pet.  They're warm.  And they don't have severe mood swings like people do.

Fireplaces. Once again, duh.  According to Wiki (most trustworthy source almighty) "Fire is the rapid oxidation of a material in the exothermic chemical process of combustion, releasing heatlight, and various reaction products."
"Releasing heat" being the only part of the sentence useful to us today.

Here at The Williams Headquarters a bottle of wine (or gin, or vodka) is never more than an arm's reach away. Unless we're broke, in which case there's probably a BOX of wine in close proximity.  Alcohol makes you nice and fuzzy all the way from the inside.  And if you're still cold, you'll FORGET that you're cold.  Remember to always deny that you're intoxicated lol.

"Poppinbottles in the ice, like a blizzard / When we drink, we do it right gettinslizzard"

I bet by now you're all singing this tune!!

HAPPY WINTER GUYS!! Tune back in six months for 9 (Obvious) Ways to Stay Cool This Summer.
<3 LUVYA <3

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